Facebook, String Theory and Zugzwang; Part One of Three

It is no secret that I dislike Facebook.  I used to have four accounts.  There was my real one where I had about 250 “friends,” my dog had one and she had about 300 friends, my porch had one and it had about 500 friends (it posted a lot of pictures), then I had one named after a famous witch and she had 300 friends.   The reason I had the fake accounts was because I didn’t want to share personal information on other websites and I didn’t necessarily want everyone knowing where I was making comments or what I may have been liking.  I would often use my porch or dog to like things in order to get coupons or enter contests.  I would also use these accounts to fill out profile information.  For instance my dog made over $80,000 per year where as my porch made only $7,000.  The witch always declined to answer, as did I.  This way I could keep my real account pure and clean from the Facebook spy-bots looking to steal my data, profit off of and profile me.

People today are too sozzled by Facebook, Twitter and texting.  I recently sat down with a mother and daughter for an hour of chat.  The daughter rarely took her face and thumbs off her phone.  The only time she looked up was to take a selfie.

Forbes reports that nearly half a trillion dollars is lost in productivity each year due to employees reading their Facebook pages, texting and not working.  The average users spends a cumulative amount of about two hours each day taking occasional peeks at their pages and stalking others. 

In string theory, the impact of Facebook on our lives is mind boggling.  First, if a person was not spending so much time looking at what other people were doing, they could be outside actually doing something themselves.  And, not sharing it would be a plus, too.  Nobody really cares what that pizza you are about to destroy looks like.

Other alternative realities which could transpire because of Facebook is that you might post a comment on your homepage which your boss doesn’t like and he fires you.  Maybe you call in sick but then post a picture of yourself at the beach, your boss then sees it on one of his friend’s page and you’re fired.  Maybe because of you “liking” certain things or commenting on other peoples’ pages, a prospective employer takes a look at it and passes on you for employment because he doesn’t like your likes or sees you spend a LOT of time on FB or doesn’t like some of your friends.  Maybe an old high school friend makes contact with you through Facebook and you meet and have an affair.  Maybe an old high school friend contacts your spouse, they meet and have an affair.  What if someone ignores your friend request?  What if someone unfriends you?  The alternative realities of this one site and how they can change the direction of our lives are staggering. 

I prefer the zugzwang option and not to make a move.  In other words, not to have Facebook at all.  That eliminates a lot of string theory options which are not in my control.  An example of zugzwang would be two parents of a 16 year old child who are getting a divorce and the child is given the choice of living with either his mother or father.  Either choice will change his life drastically.  Instead, he chooses to run away and live on his own.  Not to decide is to decide.  Just look it up.  It is a chess term.

So the next move is in your hands: Read Facebook each day and watch the lives of your friends unfold or don’t read it.  Another option is zugzwang and just close your account and go live life yourself.

-Malcolm (who realizes that he could be out on the lake skating but is inside blogging) Kogut.


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